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Biggest Loser!

So since the move to FL I have kind of fell off the fitness wagon… oops! But now that we’re semi-situated in our new home, but money is still tight, I dug through our things to find my Biggest Loser game for the XBOX360. As I mentioned, money is tight right now, but I can still be active; even though I havn’t gone to the gym, I have still been losing weight as I changed my eating habits when we moved here. More greens more often, portion control, more water, etc. 

So this past Monday I started the game, worked me out WHEW! I’m still sore today, Wednesday, but I’m still going to put in my time as I designated 3 days out of the week to the workout. Feels good to take control!

Unrelated… feeling like I need some time apart from R today given a conversation we had last night. So, I’m going to my friends house to hang out with her and our pups. I dont really know how I feel about the convo… iono.

5.31.13

Fucking irritated as fuck right now. Instead of spending some damn time with me  he’s off playing Call of Duty of course. Fuck him. Can’t wait to get a new job with some real money and start going out on my own. Bullshit. I spent MY birthday money taking HIM to go see the movie HE wanted to see in 3D AND that I had already seen with my dad. Oh, AND  I bought dinner for us as well. Ugh. Tired of his shit right now.

Nothing says “I’m done with your shit” like whipping out your phone during an arguement/discussion and get on Tumblr just to reblog shit.
5.4.13

1 month since we’ve been here in Orlando and the whining from his friends is still going on. I am so over the drama they are making over him moving here with me, just focus on your own life and stfu already! I love and respect many of those people but WHY CANT THEY JUST BE HAPPY AND EXCITED FOR US AND KEEP THEIR DAMN NEGATIVITY TO THEMSELVES?! We have our own stress and adjusting to do without having to deal with your shit too. Grow the fuck up. And for them to keep on saying that they hope HE comes back is just fucking disrespectful to me and our relationship! It’s like they want him to leave me so they can have his companionship all to themselves. Um, NO. For many of them our relationship outdates their friendship with him. Just pisses me off. I am trying to support this man and get him through the homesickness and everytime he starts enjoying his new life here in FL they get all “Woe is me” and bring him back down.

Just needed to vent. I dont want to vent to him about this to save him from any guilt and a potenial arguement. Whew!

4.16.13

We’ve moved to Orlando, FL!!! Omg we are on our way! Once I complete the residency to be considered a Floridian again, I’ll be gong back to school! My honey and I started talking about 8 months ago about starting our family and we both shared that we are ready! At first I was elated but I started worrying. Can I do this without my family here to support me? I communicated this to my honey and after a few days of discussing it we decided to move to FL since we had no family in SC and felt we had hit the peak of what we could accomplish in SC. We moved on Saturday, April 6th 2013! So here we are, hunting for work and biding our time til I can go back to school and be on our way!

Sometimes I Get Such an Unhappy Feeling

like my life isn’t what I expected it would be at this age. I wish I had continued my education and gotten my Bachelor’s instead of just my Associates. I wish I was working in my field of choice instead of working in a field that has nothing to do with Education. I wish I had my own family, my kids. I’m 24 and I feel like the past 5 years has passed in the span of a breath, and the next 5 years will happen just as quickly. I realized recently that in order for me to have my 3 kids that I want, I would have to be pregnant almost back to back or with a very short time between each pregnancy if my family history is right… none of the women in my family have had kids in their thirties, not for lack of trying. My life is not bad, I’m usually very happy with my lot, especially with my boyfriend of 5 years… our relationship is everything I want it to be, aside from not being married. I wish we were. Makes me feel like somethings wrong with me. Fucks with my head sometimes, though I try to think about all we’ve been through and how its smarter to wait. I lied. I actually get pretty depressed about that, and how I’m childless. How I cry randomly because I’m nothing like the woman I wanted to be. I had such dreams and aspirations… I wanted to travel, to experiance, to live…. but I feel like since I left FL I havn’t done any of that, I havn’t accomplished anything aside from my relationship and our home. I take alot of pride from our home and from our relationship, don’t get me wrong… we work hard to live the way we do, to make our home and have what we do. But what’s the acquiring of and making of a home if we have no one to nurture in it?  No memories to fill it with? These are just the ramblings of a sometimes unhappy woman…

Remy

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How can I explain that my heart aches that on the anniversary of our love’s beginning, he didn’t ask me to be his? That more than anything in this world, I want to be HIS. I wish I could just live in the moment and enjoy this day.

Threesome…

My man and I are looking for a girlfriend for fun… done it in the past and we had a great thing going on for the better part of a year! Now we’re looking for someone new, maybe chat a bit, hang out and see whats what and see if there’s chemistry there. But it sucks that the saying that finding a single girl who’s looking for a threesome is like finding a unicorn! lol Where can we look to find a new chica to have fun with?!

My friend just got engaged!

and all I want is to jump up and down and scream EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! OMG OMG OMGH! 

And then a tiny, small, smidgen portion of my heart is crumpling and I look at my boyfriend of 5 years and I wonder… what’s wrong with me that he hasn’t asked ME to marry him? Is he waiting for something better?

Are You fucking kidding me?

Horrible day at work. I want to go to the pool but of course Ray never wants to. I could say lets play xbox, or lets go to the bar for a drink or just to play pool, or lets go for a drive and he would still say no, wether he was sick or not. I say sick b/c today thats his excuse. He sounds like a woman cuz its like every time i try to be intimate he cries HEADACHE like a bored wife. I’m frustrated and irritated and just feeling fucking pissed at  evrything. Not feeling appreciated or like my needs (not just sexual mind you) are being met. I’m irritated as fuck because we had a talk about this  A few days ago! So much for that talk right?I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to do what I want and if he wants to be a part of that then great I’ll be happy but if not then okay fine but at least I’m not staying in that boring rut. I feel like I should never taken the second shift so I can move my schedule to allow time together. It’s not like he would do that for me. Not that I havn’t asked. because I have many times over the past 4 years. Tonight I come home and he’s at the door,  like he’s waiting fo rme, which would be sweet except for the scowl he has on his face. When I go to put on my bathing suit to go take a dip and let go of my work day i second guess it because I dont want to hurt his feelings or raise his suspicions (because latelyl its like everything I do he’s suspicious that i’m doing something I’m not supposed to) which get real I mean if I was I would have said about it here. God forbid I want to get the fuck out the apartment. When was the last time we went on a date, liek an honest to god date where I didnt have to pay for anything at all? anyways, he didnt put the pork chops into the oven like i told him to the night before because aparantly I’m not worth paying attention to but so help us if the cell phone in his pocket rings and he doesnt answer it right the fuck away. Dont get me wrong its not all him and his fault. Im not satisfied at my job either. I dread going in, smiling and pushing forward for a fucking crumb of a measly promotion, smiling and acting like I give a damn about the customers and their incessant whining. Bitch please, get an apartment and get a maintence man. Shit. Then like most jobs you have to watch what you say and to whom you say it because next thing you k now you have every fucking body in your business. Just irritating. I dont know it its the 5 weeks straight of working the midnight shift thats getting to me or what. I’m dreading my mom going back to FL… I’m scared of being completely being alone and without her and I’m missing Florida just because of the people. I miss my family, my friends, having my bitches to hang with and call to set up a drink night, or places to actually go. Beaches never more than 45 minutes away. Sunlight every day. I really do miss it. Getting tired. I guess I’ve let go of the majority of my mad. I think I just needed to vent it out. Thank Tumblr.

Going to Florida Saturday, so damn excited I can hardly take it!

Spending time with FAMILY… family I havnt really seen in years. Spending time with real FRIENDS… people I miss having around. They say that the people you surround yourself will depict what highs you’ll achieve in life. If they help you to achieve and prosper, those are the people you want. If they drain you, cause drama, bring pain… if they don’t DO things with their lives and are just content living paycheck to paycheck, barely scraping by… can you truly be surprised if thats who you also become? I am glad I got in touch with my friends and family in FL again. I’m looking forward to working at this new job and the people there seem like people I will get along with and might even have a drink or too with. Who knows, maybe I’ll meet a great new friend. In the meantime, I’ll give thanks for the high achievers and believers in my life. They are the great ones in my life who motivate and support me and my dreams. I have always been an over achiever, I guess I lost sight of that for the past few years. Maybe I lost sight of who I want to be and how I want to live because I was so caught up in learning and finding out what the real world is about outside of school and my close group of family and friends. It’s different, folks. It’s incredibly, heartbreakingly, amazingly, dreadfully, wonderfully different from what you THINK you know in high school. Know who your real friends are, hold them close, maintain contact and watch. Let go of those who are dead weight, the ones who drag you down to their mediocre lives with their mediocre statistical lives full of teenage pregnancies, unhappy marriages, financial ignorance… let those people who find happiness in your misery GO. And grasp tightly to those who love and cherish you. Cherish… such an antiqued word. But so full of love and hope, I use it now to describe the people who truly love me. My loving boyfriend of 4 years, my mother and father, my brother, my family in FL, my best friends since elementary school and high school… all the people who push and motivate me to go back to school, reach for that job position I didn’t have the confidence to go for, have the strength to fall in love again. I love you guys… I love you all so much. 

Watching Bridezilla…

and if my man cries during the vows I will be a MESS! It is so sweet when the guy gets choked up during the vows, I always get misty lol